Well, baseball awards week is upon us.

In the spirit of award-giving, I’d like to offer the following awards to members of the Yankee team:

Best Cook: AJ Burnett and his pie á la towel dessert.

Most Eager Rocker: Mark Teixeira

Best Eyes: In an upset, Francisco Cervelli defeats long time winner Andy Pettitte.

Best Roll Call Response: Nick Swisher and the Swisher Salute™.

Best Reason to make Scrambled Eggs: Melky Cabrera’s line after hitting for the cycle–picked up by YES cameras and Spanish-speaking lipreaders nationwide.

Best Reason to Cut My Hair So I Don’t Rip It Out: Robinson Canó coming to bat with runners in scoring position and two out.

The Nails Krzyzewski Award for Grit: Alexander Emmanuel Rodriguez

It’s All About the Karma Award: Eric Hinske, for his third consecutive World Series appearance.

Best Reason to Learn the Japanese Word for “Daddy”: Hideki Matsui. Game Six. ‘Nuff said.

Self-proclaimed Idiot with the Single Smartest Play in the World Series: Johnny Damon and the Double Steal of Doom.

Allergic to Pie Award: Derek Jeter. And you, get your mind out of there!

The Fiery Clubhouse Leader Award: Jorge Posada

The I-am-God Award: Mariano Rivera.

All awards are non-transferrable and non-redeemable for other hardware such as MVP, Cy Young, etc. Winners receive all the honors associated with such awards.